How To Recognize The Struggle In Parenting And Stop The Generational Cycles
Permissive parenting is a potentially harmful style of parenting, especially in today's world. Parents have a tough job, but permissive parents tend to be too lenient while trying to avoid confrontation. Confrontation can be healthy for both parties when boundaries are in place.
Permissive parents are usually very nurturing and loving but the parental rules are inconsistent. This lack of structure causes little self-discipline or self-control to develop in the child. Parents are afraid to do anything that may upset the apple cart, so to speak, therefore the child never learns to take personal responsibility for their behavior.
How to recognize if you are a permissive parent:
· Do you often compromise your rules to accommodate your child’s mood?
· Do you avoid conflict?
· Do you have a desire to be your child’s best friend rather than their parent?
· Do you often bribe your child to do things?
In a study published in the scientific Journal of Early Adolescence, it was found that teens with permissive parents are three times more likely to engage in heavy underage alcohol consumption, fornication and drugs.
Other damaging effects can include:
· poor social skills
· lack of motivation
· clashing with authority which leads to poor academic success
It is important to break free from permissive parenting. Coaching helps in setting healthy boundaries while teaching your children the importance of taking personal responsibility.
Here are a few questions that might help you determine if you are an enabling parent:
- Do you pick up after your children?
- Do you complete their tasks because it was easier than fighting about it?
- Have you given him/her "one more chance" too many times?
- Have you begun to feel that you've reached the end of your rope?
- Are you feeling resentful over their unacceptable behaviors?
The enabling parent has been driven by perfection and performance most of their life. To find their worth in Jesus, instead of how much or how well they do tasks, is vitally important for the health and well being of the entire family.
It is vitally important to begin breaking free from perfectionism and performance in order to create a more joyful atmosphere for your entire family. Coaching helps in setting healthy boundaries.
When parents grow up in an environment of being yelled at, they too, stand a good chance of becoming the yeller. Hurting people hurt other people. Its human nature. What we want is God’s nature, not our own.
Frequent yelling can lead to symptoms of anxiety in children. This cycle is very difficult to break.
Parents want their children to listen, but when they get zero cooperation, they resort to yelling. Your children are listening, believe me they are. What they’re not doing - is obeying you. Giving them choices is a much more effective way to parent, but it also takes eliminating resentments from your own childhood in order to stop the yelling. Go back to tool #2 for help with releasing bitterness and resentments.
It is important to begin breaking free from yelling in order to create a more joyful atmosphere for your family. Coaching helps in setting you free from bitterness and setting healthy boundaries.
Helicopter parenting, also called “Hovering”, which can develop for a number of reasons. The foundation of where hovering stems from usually aligns with fear from their own childhood. Here are three common fear-based triggers that helicopter parents will avoid.
- Protection - The helicopter parent lives in a fearful state of mind over what consequences might do to their child’s emotional state should they suffer in any way. Protection is their number one goal.
- Anxiety - Worries about what’s happening in the world can drive parents to helicopter more if they can keep their child from ever being hurt or disappointed.
- Overcompensating - Parents who felt unloved as children can overcompensate with their own children. Excessive attention and monitoring are attempts to remedy a deficiency the parents own upbringing.
It is important to begin breaking free from fear to stop the hovering. Coaching helps in setting you free from fears and setting healthy boundaries. Contact our office any time if you’d like more information.